Not Fat, Just Frustrated

I so desperately want to write a blog about weight loss and dieting but I can't figure out a way to do it without sounding like I am complaining or whining about being "fat". I am not fat. I know this. I do have about 15 pounds to lose in order to get back to my pre-pregnancy weight, but even with that, I don't consider myself fat. Out of shape? Oh yeah. In need of serious toning? Uh-huh. But fat? Not really. Being this close to my target weight is nice, but it also comes with frustrations. Mainly, it is from the reactions I get whenever anyone finds out that I am on a diet. Let me explain what happened this week. 

I joined a bible study. The church that hosts this bible study provides childcare from 9:30-3:00  (with small monetary donations from the parents) so that the moms can have bible study, eat lunch together potluck style and then have several hours to scrapbook, quilt, paint or really whatever you want to do with that time. It's awesome. The ladies were super friendly and welcoming and I had a really great time. The only problem with the day was the potluck lunch. 

As you may recall, I have recently started down a path to be more disciplined.  Part of that was being careful to eat more healthy foods. I have also been doing a close calorie count of what I have been eating. Because of all this, I knew I couldn't join in the potluck lunch at the church. I wanted to participate, but I really needed to not participate. Since most potluck lunches are filled with all sorts of yummy foods that would drive my diet right into the ground, I just packed my own little sandwich and planned to eat that and be good. But the ladies would have nothing to do with that. They saw my sandwich and  reassured me that there was plenty of food to go around and I was more than welcome to share. That statement alone was very sweet and nice and showed great hospitality. I appreciated that. However, I reassured them that I was fine with my sandwich and as amazing as the food looked, I was really trying to be careful with my calories and I would pass on the food. But that wasn't the end of it. I heard lots of, "You don't know what your missing!!" and "Oh come one, just one little bit can't hurt!" among many other similar statements. Over. And. Over. Again. Talk about a constant barrage of pressure. Where is the support here people?

Another side of this that is frustrating is the looks I get from people when they realize that I am dieting. Now I don't go out of my way to announce to people that I am dieting. (unless you read this blog) But it seems that so many social functions involve food. So you either explain why you are not eating, or risk looking antisocial. When I tell people that I am trying to watch what I eat, I often get looks like, "What? Are you kidding me?" It drives me crazy. Again, I KNOW I'm not fat, but that doesn't mean that I shouldn't be careful of the foods I am putting in my body. I hate feeling like the simple act of calorie counting immediately puts a label of "Obsessive Crazy Lady" on my forehead. 

Maybe this is why dieting is so hard for everyone. Social situations seem to always require yummy, fatty foods and it is uncomfortable when someone isn't participating. It's almost like we all have to indulge or we are all uncomfortable together. So I will continue to push through and smile politely at the well meaning, back-handed compliments and once I reach my target weight, maybe then I'll allow myself the occasional potluck lunch. We'll see.

As an update, it has been 3 weeks since I started working out. I have managed to work out 5 days a week for each of those weeks. It has not been easy. In truth, I have hated almost every minute of it. But if disciplines came easily, they would be called something else I guess. While I have hated exercising, I am loving the results. I can feel my body getting stronger and my clothes are already starting to fit a little better. I am a little nervous about this weekend because we are making our trip to Anchorage and there will be plenty of eating out. I haven't eaten at a restaurant in 4 weeks. That may not be a big deal for some of you but for me that's huge. We usually average eating at restaurants 3-4 times a week. It has been a tough adjustment, but it has been a good one. I knew this weekend trip would require some eating out and I am looking forward to the break in the diet, but I am going to have to be REALLY strong to get back on my path of discipline when we return on Sunday night. Wish me luck!